tate

thanks walt and sherrie for the picture
is that the bear i gave him?

house

he asked "so what do you see?"
i see a house built of stone, but its windows are cracked and some are hanging loose
stones are missing and it doesn't sit perfectly straight
even some of the walls are bowing in

and it is empty.

"what of the foundation?"
it has been severely cracked, like it couldn't fully support what was built upon it.

now what?
"give it all to me"

morning mist

the fragrance was sweet
two hearts were one

in my struggle I could rest
because it was not mine alone

the healing oil flowed freely
over my burning heart

he said he prepared it just for me
when he died on the tree

but the moment became a memory
as precious as the morning mist

night time driving

weekend

friday
- at the office until just after dark, talking with a sister & friend

saturday
- beauty - sunflowers in hand
- walking down the street talking with a couple I didn't know five minutes ago
- lunch with a tableful of strangers, birds chirping in the corner, and a group of men trying to get their lives in order
- a parade, like a series of nightclubs taken to the street (saw more than I really want to see)
- malls, shops in chinatown (mmmm, sweet bread rolls to eat as we walk along)
- delectable Korean food, laughter and characters all around, a suprise of fireworks, and hot chocolate to end the day

sunday
- emptiness, then "trust me", a challenge and wrestling match - I had to give in - I already have everything I need - and 'deserve' is such a dangerous word
- an hour later, my struggle articulated by another, all I could do was nod my head and soak it in
- lunch again with a table full, only half strangers this time around
- alone, learning, listening, discovering myself
- and once again dinner with friends, laughter, sharing and kind of crazy plans
- I smile, a full weekend, wonderful people, fun distractions, blessing all around, still nothing can asuage the burning desire & ache within
- and so I wait, listen, and learn

#7

No wonder people are suprised when I tell them I'm Canadian.

1/2 price, 1/2 hour Friday

You know the week has been long when the anticipation of the day becomes the moment you can go to the cafe and get your favorite dessert at half the price.

Most go for the cookies, the postman leaves with a box full of treats for his family. My favorite is a tart, filled with custard and topped ever so artfully with a variety of lightly glazed fruit.

Throughout the week I eye it, sometimes giving into it at full price, but between 4 & 4:30 on a Friday afternoon I savor the delicacy that at any other place would be at least five dollars - here only a dollar ten.

I would take a picture of it, but alas it is already gone.

beauty

The other day I was told of a woman who had forgone using all cleansing/beauty products. No shampoo for her hair, no soap for her body, plain and simple water. Sounds rather unpleasant, but apparantly after about a month and a half everything seemed to balance out. Her hair had never been healthier or more radiant and her skin never clearer.

I'm hesitant to put away the body soap & deodorant but everything neck up I can do. It seems to be a counter-intuitive approach to beauty, but that is where my life is at right now; counter-intuitive all the way. So I am going to try it and see where it goes.

family

Over the labor day long weekend I had the privilage of spending time with my oldest brother, Walter and his wife Sherrie. We had a great, if physically exhausting time exploring good ole San Fran. One of our favorite times is seen here, just relaxing at home and enjoying each other's company.

thanks for coming out!

circles

you remember that game where you look straight up at the clouds,
spin around tens times and then try and run towards a particular object?

try doing it in a forest sometime

fishing

this one is for my dad

light

the morning with its soft light is still my favorite time

minimalism

odd hours

I've been going to bed at a normal time, but then wake up ridiculously early. At first it was 5am then it was 4, now I will look at the clock and it will read 2:30 or 3. What is going on?! It is not the kind of instance where I roll over and fall back asleep. Sometimes I toss and turn, sometimes I pray, sometimes I lay back and listen to what he might say. But most of the time I find myself lost in the tangles of my mind. Confusion is not the goal they say, so I seek for the truth...unconditional love is the only thing that keeps coming back around.

footwashing

on the street I don't give them a second glance
but here we were face to face with his feet in my hands
It seemed odd to be there with an air of servitude
I had nothing to give, I had come to recieve instead.

but it didn't matter to him, he just leaned back and smiled, he was safe and cared for,
even if it was only a few minutes before he had to return to the outdoors.

silent dance

the moves were slow
but they were sure

it was simple
it was pure

no music could be heard
for the song was in my heart

I was broken
I was empty

but that didn't matter
because I was dancing for him

laid to rest

How to kill a mini refrigerator at work:

-Make sure it is one of those that does not defrost on its own.
-Wait until it has accumulated a large amount of ice, perferably until the freezer is pretty much useless.
-Offer to help in the defrost effort.
-Realize that the only way will be to chip the ice out since there is nothing to collect the water as it melts.
-Start chipping carefully, be sure to be encouraged on by fellow co-workers.
-Accept jokes that because I'm from Canada I should be used to this.
-Accidently hit the inside wall of the freezer.
-Jump back as freon starts hissing out at you.
-Close the fridge door and wonder how you will explain this one to the boss.
-Lay it on its back so that all the ice that still remains will not leak out onto the carpet.
-Go home and check on the harmfulness of breathing in freon gases.